been long since i last updated. wasn;t in the very good mood recently. due to same old problems with my mom. haha. quitted smoking but then re pick it up again. so much so for my 2 weeks of effort. all gone down the drain. its wasted i know. but no choice la. i needed a break. bloody ass from 02 put my aeroplane on fri to go drink. then bud aeroplane me on sun. SIAN. thurs got drunk a little with gay buddy paul at canal. chivas and pepsi. smoked over 10 ciggs. too fed up. too pissed. too angry. too much to vent it out. i;m not a happy kid. i'm nt happy. i'm not. then, kept sharing ciggs with neighbour and stuff. haha. its just gotten worse i know. so much for me to handle and all. at least things are kinda better the way there are right now. little communication with mom. black face all the time. save up all the conflicts and war. sounds pretty good ain;t it? but still i dread home none the less and hope very much that i could move out or so. so much so for this week. emo week bah. haha. i just hope to bloody find weekend jobs and earn a lot of money. that way i can do a lot things which i wanted to do. like go chiong, shopping, buy stuffs. and i so wanna join in the subaru wrx challenge cans? i wan to win. i wan a car. i wan money to afford a car. i wan a car. i wan to be looked upon at. not to be looked down. who likes to be looked down at? no one. if u dun like to be look down at. dun look down at people but then once again. how could u not? when they given up every hope on u. maybe i was in the wrong. maybe i am too petty. there are too much maybes alr..

now, i just have to learn to relive my old life and try to be someone when i am no one. gotten a bit complicated eh? haha. never mind. sometimes trying too hard will have aderse effects too. i wanna have outings like no tomorrow. i also wan to have someone to love and stuff. but the ones i love dun love me. money is running low. family dun look like family. how? the pieces kinda dun fit anymore eh. its not like wad u all think. so many things happened. in the past, be it family, friends, environment. if only i could just turn back time and stopped every damn thing. i can assure u. i will be more of a happy kid. but i can't. and i wun be. dat's the reality. that's the fact. i have to face. gotten this from somewhere " if your life ain;t fucked up, u dun haf a life". kinda agree to it. look, i got a life. and its fucked up. see the point? haha.

finally got mood to chiong study for marketing and opc. but then. its alr the dawn of monday itself. see the irony? i dun haf the mood for stuffs like that. haha. OPC i nv touch at all. laters bah. the 2 hour break. let's all pray we get thru this in one piece and nothing else. haha.

and ya. shirley, u were right back then. sure i am pissed and stuff. but i tink ur words make sense. "u can never afford smoking". those words of urs still echo in my mind, my brain. i get ur point now. no doubt i am running low on cash due to cigg. no doubt. but somehow, i still believe in 'when there is a will, there is a way" haha. stubborn i know. difficult to change me. dat's for real. i just hope ppl can change. can't u sense it? when logan wans to get out, he needs to get out. so please. dun bloody put aeroplane. and sometimes esther, i prefer not to know wad is gg on. haha. maybe i'm not popular, not nice to get along with. but then, if so, why can't let me know? at least it beats knowing that guys still prefer going out with boobs rather than dicks. get my point? if so, it kinda defeat the existence of the word brotherhood.

so much so for now. ranted enough. for now that is. lets see wad this week might bring. wad surprises will it unfold. tests tests tests. deadlines exams tests hols. driving. stressed. give me 2 packs cans? =x