Wednesday, April 25, 2007
everything is falling into pieces. things dun fit like the way they should. i have begun to find new frens. i need new frens. i need new buddies. sometimes when relationships like buddies and fren drift apart, its bad and sad. but then once again. we call ourselves buddies. but r we really buddies? everything kinda seem so fake to me now. buddies eh? supposedly they are here for u when u r down and stuff. supposedly they on u when u wanna go out or so. supposedly they 24/7 for u? haha. naive. naive. i realised hw navie i had been all these while. even best fren might be out to harm you. let alone buddies. i'm chilling out. working out. i miss my old life. i miss the old me. i miss going home so early. i miss working at weekends. if i worked at weekends, i dun have time to bother about wad clubbing and shit like dat. i hate to go clubbing alone. i love crowds. i wan to be involved. i dun wan to be hurt by those evil words. i am sick of it. maybe i am petty. so wad? i'm at fault for being petty? fuck it man.
i wan to go sell ice cream. but then everything is changed now. i wan to go back handphone shop work. but i dun wan to give flyers. i wan to be promotor. and i can;t. fuck it too. i wan a part time weekend job. taka hired new staff. fuck it. i dun like sales job like natural vision coz product is hard to sell and i dun haf luck. luck wasn't with me all along. sometimes sure is lucky to win in mahjong only. otherwise. nothing else. fuck it too. i am so sick of having to vex over stuffs like that. i just wan frens and buddies to chill with. dat's all. so much so for gossiping. maybe its only right. maybe it isn't. somehow i feel i am lagging behind. i can;t keep up with the bloody pace like how everything is changing. i dun even know if u r still a fren of mine. this is worse than hi-bye friends. the familiar stranger. maybe i should do this and that. maybe i shouldn't. fuck it all up la. if u throw me one pack, i'l be sure to finish smoking it within this week. or maybe even within a day. somehow the promises i made dun seem to be there anymore. or rather. i tot it will be useless by now alr. sorry if i let people down. sorry if i blamed you. sorry if i scolded u and stuff. and ya. thank god. techno is here to save me. i shall indulge in it. so much so for being vexed. go do soul reflecting cans?