WHY DID YOU APPEAR

Friday, April 20, 2007

yo dudes, its friday. the fact i am here blogging means one thing. i'm home and nt outside drinking for tonight. giving it a miss with nic. sorry eh. i can't meet u and all though i doubt u read my blog. haha. u just owe me too much alr. no doubt i miss ying ying like crazy but then still i dun like to be pushed a lot. and i been on loan from other people almost all the times i know wad is up ur sleeve and i know when u will return me the money coz i been thru wad u r going thru now too. its not like i have not been loaning money from people. its like i been loaning from the people i know since young. ever since i was in pri sch and up to now. poly life. i doubt no one can beat me in loaning money from other people. till now i got into this.. loaning to people. perhaps i should charge sooner or later. say open a finance company. can forget about my little cafe alr. haha. 10% interest per month or so. how does that sound? hahaha.

sure enough, i have not been myself this week and all. thinking about the problems i was facing and all. its not easy eh. i just kinda held onto a time that things dun matter and sadly i fell backwards. i stumbled and i fell. only to find no support given and all. no doubt my buddies like shirley, esther, wenqi, was here for me. i really wanna thank them a lot and stuff like dat.. see when i get a stable weekend job, my treat outside cans? haha. i was busy thinking about my mom de stall, my yingying.. and all. i finally came to a conclusion eh. i'm gona try to forget yingying alr. i need to forget a lot of things. i wonder if i can. gona try my best it seems.

yesterday went swimming and top up my bbdc account. haha. finally got the things i needed to. so darn happy. then ya. swimmed some twenty to thirty laps. was kinda tiring i admit but i am proud of myself la. that i can do this and ya. i shall make it a weekly habit or so. i wanna be slim and nice. i just wanna slim down and all. i dun wan to get hard at joints and all. i dun wan to be limited through my movements. i dun wan to have trembling hands. i dun wan to lose frens. i dun wan my happy teenage years to end just like dat. i still gt a lot of things to do. i can't afford to let my body go down now.. at least after i hit 23 please.. at least 23. i shall be contented by then. sweet death may come. i wun even resist. seriously.

emo post from here on:
had a very good chat with mom earlier on how to maintain human relationships and all. ya. i agree with her most of the time. no doubt i am sensitive and very proud. dat's who i am. i am hurt easily, just like a glass vase. too easily hurt. simple words and simple gestures can alr hurt me. wad it mean when they start to say hurtful things? its not like the first time, people was saying since its not the first time u should have alr get used to it and all. but then each time i tink i only got hurt deeper? its always the same old few persons. dat's the main reason i dread school. not that i hate the rest of my classmates but sometimes. i just dun feel good? looking at u, hearing wad u say, seeing ur actions. logan dun feel good okie? logan fucking hate it cans? logan hates u. get it alr? being ur classmate means i have to see you for another yr or so. dun worry. spare me the misery and urs too.

end of emo post, not working this weekend. means i darn free. who wan jio me out? LOL. faster. grab on shelf before its gone. a lot of things need to be done and said for me. wad about u? have u soul reflected? =x

11:46 PM